Police Academy Naruto Style!
by Lucillia
Summary: What it says on the box. AU. Enrollment in a formerly all-Uchiha institution has been opened to practically all comers by Tsunade. Let the fun begin.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: This all started when I pictured Hinata as Hooks. Obviously this is a very AU world in which the Uchiha Massacre never took place, while some things changed after Madara was put on medication during the founding of Konoha, others somehow managed to stay the same.

&!&!&

**On March 4th of this year, Godaime Hokage Senju Tsunade - acting on a suggestion made by Shimura Danzo - threw open recruitment into the Konoha Military Police Force to all who were Genin level and above. Many who had never considered being Police before flocked to the new Academy built on the expanded Uchiha Police Training Grounds next to the Uchiha District.**

**Naturally, the Uchiha freaked.**


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Let's see if you can guess who's supposed to be who.

&!&!&

Uchiha Fugaku scowled as he inspected the new buildings. Personally he had wanted nothing to do with this farce, but it was now his job to train the newest recruits at Konoha's new Military Police Academy. To make matters worse, they gave him Mitarashi Anko as a co-instructor as she had been through the training before, when Orochimaru had called in a favor so he could run the experiment that led to the "Oops, I let the Kyuubi out" incident. And if that didn't beat all, they had put Madara of all people in charge of this clown factory, and his father who had retired more than a decade earlier decided to take back his job as the Chief of Police since he was "dying of boredom", forcing him to take a demotion.

The newly made buildings that had been constructed by several ninja crews, including an ANBU who had the Shodaime's Mokuton ability reeked of fresh paint. It gave Fugaku a headache.

The new recruits were due to start arriving any second now...

&!&!&

Inuzuka Kiba stalked through the halls of the civilian office building as a rainstorm battered the windows, turning the village outside into a collection of blurry lights. It was his team's mission to guard this building against all intruders, as it had been for the last week. As he made his way down a hallway on the second floor, he heard a door open. A rather fearful looking middle-aged businessman exited an office half-way down the hall.

"Good night Inuzuka-san. I'll er, just be going now." the man said before fleeing down the hall and towards the exit.

Kiba checked to make sure the office the man had exited was securely locked. As he did so, he heard a couple of people sneaking down a nearby corridor. He moved to investigate. There was a light coming from under the door to the break room.

There were intruders in the building.

"Are you ready Akamaru?" Kiba called to his canine partner who rested atop his head as he pulled out several kunai.

With a war cry, he charged into the now darkened break room and hurled his kunai at the intruders. As he did so, he caught Kurenai-Sensei and Shino's scents. He flipped on a light.

There was a small banner that said: Good Luck Kiba. There was also a cake with a kunai sticking out of it, and a very stunned looking civilian holding a present. From the looks of things, one of the kunai had destroyed the coffee maker.

"Heh, heh, oops."

&!&!&

Missing-nin and Mercenary for Hire Hoshigaki Kisame grumbled as he approached Konoha's gates. Why was it that he forgot that going drinking with Raiga was a very bad idea every time he encountered him? Usually, he woke up in the strangest places after drinking with Raiga. More often than not, he would wake up to realise that a) he was naked, b) he was covered either in paint, feathers and glue, or something he really didn't want to think about, and c) the locals weren't too happy with him due to some extremely bizarre stunt he had pulled.

This time however, he had found that he'd been suckered into a bet that he couldn't weasel his way out of due to the fact that there were living witnesses.

Apparently, according to his friend - who had carved out his own little kingdom in the middle of nowhere that he found he needed to escape from every once in a while - when the Hokage had opened recruitment in the Konoha Military Police Force to all who were Genin level and above, she had never specified where the recruits had to come from.

He'd argued that the "Konoha" was so clear that it needn't be stated. Raiga however had suckered him into a dare in which he was to use this supposed loophole in order to apply. He knew he was wasting his time, but wasting a few days and the effort needed to evade capture was preferable to the chicken suit he would've had to wear had he chosen to forfeit.

"State your name and purpose for visiting." a bored sounding Chunin who was guarding the gate said.

The "YOU'RE HERE TO WHAT?" that followed Kisame's reply could be heard all the way across the village.

&!&!&

Hyuuga Hinata smiled shyly as she approached the grounds of Konoha's new Police Academy. She had chosen this path, as she had wanted to be with her teammates who had chosen to guard Konoha as Police Officers. She had a feeling that the two Branch House members who accompanied her had been sent because father had wanted them out of his hair, rather than to guard her as they ostensibly were supposed to.

While the Hyuuga tended to be considered "uptight" and "arrogant" since they were mostly rather stiff and formal when dealing with the public, reflecting on their high-born station, these two were...as Naruto-kun would put it, fucking assholes. She seriously wished that her father had chosen anyone else. Hell, she'd even take Pre-Chunin Exam Neji.

Behind her, the two Branch House members were excitedly discussing the fact that they would now be members of Konoha's Military Police.

&!&!&

Yakushi Kabuto groaned as he awoke earlier than he would have liked. A bit of quick work with a Chakra Scalpel took out the alarm clock. Why had he set the damn thing again?

Oh yeah, in a fit of insanity he'd joined the Konoha Military Police Force. He had of course done it for the same reason he'd become a spy for Orochimaru, to get women. In other countries, being a Medic would have been enough, but since the vast majority of Medic-Nins in Fire Country were female, his job was generally considered "Women's work". Unlike the ANBU, the Police Force didn't require a stringent background check that included a Yamanaka taking a trip around his mind. So, considering his other career, the Police Force was the easiest way to become more impressive in the eyes of the opposite sex.

After stretching, he carefully made his way out of his bed, being sure to not disturb the two girls who had joined him the night before. He then padded towards the bathroom in order to get ready for the day. His stomach growled as he smelled the breakfast his third girlfriend was cooking.

&!&!&

Uzumaki Naruto Kyuubi Jinchuuriki and Konoha's Most Unpredictable Ninja had been running himself ragged during his team's current D rank, which was to work as waitstaff at a restaurant he wouldn't have been allowed to set foot in otherwise, as the owner was rather hostile. It was currently the Lunch rush, and the entire restaurant was packed. There was no room anywhere.

When the civilian with the bad toupee turned up, he came forward to tell the man that he would either have to wait or come back later. The man gave him _that_ look before loudly and rather rudely demanding a seat despite the fact that the entire restaurant was full.

"Look. Like I said before, there are no seats available, the place is full." Naruto said.

"Just find me a seat you little asshole." the man said, glaring down at him as if he were scum to be scraped off the bottom of his shoe.

"Is that a wig?" Naruto asked, looking up at the rather poorly disguised rug on top of the man's head. "I believe it is."

The man narrowed his eyes and growled.

"Wig alert! Wig alert!" Naruto yelled, pointing at the man, as the manager approached from the back.

"Hi Han, is this brat giving you any trouble?" the manager asked.

"He refuses to find me a seat." Han replied.

"There's no room to park that guy's fat ass, the place is already full." Naruto said.

"You will apologize and find this man a seat!" the manager yelled in Naruto's face, spit flying rather unhygenically.

Naruto glared up at the two men defiantly before dropping his head and mumbling "Sorry".

He then grabbed the chair he and his teammates had been using for their infrequent breaks and approached a table that was occupied by a family of Aburame. Sasuke and Sakura stared at him in shock, sensing what he was about to do. Internally promising to apologize to the Aburame at a later date, he shoved two of them aside and set the chair down between them.

"Here's your seat!" he yelled before storming off to take orders at another table.

&!&!&

Akimichi Chouji sat in the photographic supplies booth cursing his fate and D rank missions altogether. He'd much rather be serving at the small snack stand across the way, but the last time he'd done that, he'd been forced to spend his savings repaying the stand's owner. Asuma-sensei had decided that this would be a safer bet and had sent Ino to deal with the snack stand. Asuma-sensei himself was off playing Shogi with Shikamaru who had been exempted from the mission because he was a Chunin.

As he was starting to think his day couldn't get any worse, they showed up.

"They" being a bunch of teenage Chunins from a couple of the lesser clans who had taken to tormenting him for some reason.

As he floated down the river in his little booth several minutes later, he plotted revenge. When he was a Police Officer, he'd be able to push them around, and there wouldn't be a damn thing they could do about it.

&!&!&

Danzo had ordered that one of the Root Agents was to join the Police, and Sai had volunteered. He honestly didn't understand the collective shudder that had gone through the other agents when he did so, or the reaction Shin had when he had gotten back from his mission and found out about Sai's.

"Sai! No! You know how..." Shin said, cutting off as Sai's pack accidentally hit him in the family jewls.

"...accident prone you are." Shin squeaked out as a kunai somehow escaped from Sai's pack and lodged itself at the feet of a messenger when Sai took to the rooftop highway.

"Get back here or else!" Shin yelled as he chased after his little brother when he finally recovered enough to start moving.

&!&!&

"A Police Officer? Seriously?" Mrs. Yamanaka said to her daughter as she walked with her to the new Academy. "Why? If you want to become a Uchiha, you marry one, you don't go around..."

"It gives me something to do. Besides, Chouji's already joined." Yamanaka Ino replied, barely noticing as a silver haired boy chased after a black haired boy whose pack had come undone and started spilling items ranging from shuriken to paintbrushes which the silver haired boy tripped over.

&!&!&

Chief of Konoha Military Police Uchiha Hiro scowled as he watched the new recruits swarm across the grounds to the new Police Academy. Dropping numbers of Uchiha and a low birthrate aside, this was the absolute worst decision the Hokage had made so far. The Konoha Military Police Force belonged to the Uchiha and therefore should stay with the Uchiha.

Sneering as a red haired teenager with a gourd of all things strapped to his back wandered past, he made his way to the new "Commandant"'s office. As he was about to enter the building, a Hyuuga walked up to him and blocked his path.

"Hyuuga Shiro reporting for duty sir!" the Hyuuga that he couldn't care less about said, puffed up almost proudly.

"Outta my way asshole!" Hiro snarled as he shoved the Hyuuga aside and made his way into the building.

This was shaping up to be the worse day of his life. Even worse than the day his girlfriend had come to him to inform him she was pregnant, and he therefore had to marry her. Fugaku had been born eight months later, and had been one of the most disagreeable babies he'd had the displeasure of knowing.


End file.
